What can I do as a bystander?
Witnessing sexual or other violence – known as being a bystander – can lead to a lot of questions and internal dilemmas. For example, you may be unsure whether you are interpreting the situation correctly. You might also be wondering what you could do, or have questions about your own reactions.
This might be because you aren’t sure that what you saw was really sexual violence, or alternatively because you didn't know how to respond or wish you had reacted differently.
At the same time, bystanders have an opportunity to make a real difference. In addition to having a big impact on someone’s life, it can be a good feeling to make sure that someone receives help when they need it.
Being a bystander can bring up a lot of emotions, including doubt, uncertainty, and feeling under pressure. Understanding why people react the way they do can make you feel more comfortable and help you react to a situation appropriately.
Is that why you came looking for this page? Great! You'll find information on being an active bystander below. We also run regular trainings on this topic at UM. If you'd like to know more, take a look at our training overview.
What can I do as a bystander?
If you are a bystander (or witness) to sexual violence, you may feel strongly that you want to react in some what. What are your options?
There is no instruction manual to tell you how best to respond in every situation. The most important thing is that you react in the way that feels best to you in the moment. That said, we have listed some examples of ways you might respond below.
Ask 'are you okay?'
Depending on the situation, asking whether everything is okay can be a good way of checking in that doesn’t require much effort. For example, doing this when the behaviour occurs is a friendly way of interrupting and defusing the situation. In some cases, it may be more appropriate to ask whether someone is okay in private afterwards.
The 5 As
The 5 As refer to a Dutch-language mnemonic to help you remember your options as a bystander. In English, you can think of them as the 5 Rs: Request help from others, Redirect attention to something else, Remove the victim from the situation, Raise the issue directly, and Remain present. It is up to you how you want to apply one of the As. One way of redirecting, for example, could be interrupting the interaction to ask where the toilet is.
You don’t have to go through the 5 As in order; the idea is that you have a choice of different ways to intervene. If one option doesn’t work or feel right, you can try a different one. For more examples and a detailed explanation of the 5 As, take a look here.
Use the flag system guidelines
The flag system explained above also provides guidelines for potential ways of responding. These guidelines correspond to the overall flag colour of the situation determined using the criteria.
Be an ally
You can be an ally even if the situation isn’t aimed at you or someone you know. Being an ally involves reacting to the situation in a way that helps the target.
This tip isn't just a reminder to help out when you are not the person primarily affected by a situation, but also emphasises that it is important to support people from specific (minority) groups. It's important not only to speak up against inappropriate behaviour in general, but also to make it clear that it is unacceptable for the perpetrator to be targeting a minority group.
And there are many different ways of doing so! Here are a few examples: speak up about how you feel (“it’s possible that you mean well, but this is making me uncomfortable”); imagine out loud how you would feel if the situation involved a loved one (“what if that were your sister?”); or ask the target of the behaviour what they need or how they are feeling.
Want to learn more about bystander behaviour and what you can do if someone in your environment has experienced an inappropriate situation? Then visit the Canvas course on Sexual Safety.