What can I do as a bystander?
Witnessing sexual or other violence – known as being a bystander – can lead to a lot of questions and internal dilemmas. For example, you may be unsure whether you are interpreting the situation correctly. You might also be wondering what you could do, or have questions about your own reactions.
This might be because you aren’t sure that what you saw was really sexual violence, or alternatively because you didn't know how to respond or wish you had reacted differently.
At the same time, bystanders have the opportunity to make a real difference. In addition to having a big impact on someone’s life, it can be a good feeling to make sure that someone receives help when they need it.
Being a bystander can bring up a lot of emotions, including doubt, uncertainty, and feeling under pressure. Understanding why people react the way they do can make you feel more comfortable and help you react to a situation appropriately.
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What is a “bystander”?
A bystander is someone who is present during an incident or situation, but is not an active part of it. You may have heard people talk about something called the “bystander effect”.
This is a term used in psychology to describe a situation in which someone needs help, but those who witness the situation do not get involved because there are other people present. In fact, the more bystanders there are, the lower the likelihood that someone will intervene.
In theory, helping someone who is in trouble seems like the obvious thing to do, but it doesn’t always happen in practice. Perhaps you have experienced a situation like this in the past. You can learn more about this phenomenon and find out how to take action when it is needed. The university periodically offers training events on active and passive bystander behaviour. Click here to find out more.
We are continuously working on the information on this page; if you have any comments or suggestions, please contact us at sexualsafetyum@maastrichtuniversity.nl.
Why is it important to understand bystander behaviour?
If someone does something inappropriate, but nobody objects to the behaviour, that sends a signal to both the perpetrator and others around us. It makes it seem as though we think that behaviour is acceptable. In order to change our societal attitudes, we need to demonstrate to one another how we want people to act in these situations. We can do this by becoming active bystanders and modelling that behaviour.
By learning how to be an active bystander, you can train yourself to recognise inappropriate situations, interrupt the behaviour, and ensure the safety of potential targets. There are a number of ways to do this; different people can intervene in different ways. By practising being an active bystander you can figure out what works for you and act in a way that you feel good about.
Recognising inappropriate behaviour
It's not always easy to tell when someone’s behaviour has crossed a line. The first step in becoming an active bystander is being able to recognise a situation that requires intervention. At the same time, everyone has different boundaries, and situations in which they are violated are not always clearly signposted. So how can you become better at recognising these situations?
One method you can use is known as the flag system. This system is made up of six criteria, which you can use to assess the situation. You assign each of the criteria a green, yellow, red, or black flag. As you've probably already guessed, green means that everything is fine, yellow means the behaviour is mildly unacceptable, red that it is seriously unacceptable, and black that it is very seriously unacceptable.
You use the following criteria used to assess the situation:
1. Is there mutual consent?
2. Is there any pressure or coercion?
3. Are the participants equal?
4. Is the behaviour appropriate for the participants’ age and development?
5. Is the behaviour appropriate to the surroundings and context?
6. Is there any negative impact?
The flag system is primarily intended for use in assessing situations where you as a bystander are aware of the relationships between the people involved. If this is not the case – for example, if you witness “weird contact” between two strangers in a pub – the flag system is harder to apply. For more comprehensive information and practical examples, see the official website for the flag system.
What can I do as a bystander?
If you are a bystander (or witness) to sexual violence, you may feel strongly that you want to react in some what. What are your options?
There is no instruction manual to tell you how best to respond in every situation. The most important thing is that you react in the way that feels best to you in the moment. That said, we have listed some examples of ways you might respond below.
1. Ask if they're okay?
Depending on the situation, asking whether everything is okay can be a good way of checking in that doesn’t take much effort. For example, doing this when the behaviour occurs is a friendly way of interrupting and defusing the situation. In some cases, it may be more appropriate to ask whether someone is okay in private afterwards.
2. The 5 As
The 5 As refer to a Dutch-language mnemonic to help you remember your options as a bystander. In English, you can think of them as the 5 Rs: Request help from others, Redirect attention to something else, Remove the victim from the situation, Raise the issue directly, and Remain present. It is up to you how you want to apply one of the As. One way of redirecting, for example, could be interrupting the interaction to ask where the toilet is. You don’t have to go through the 5 As in order; the idea is that you have a choice of different ways to intervene. If one option doesn’t work or feel right, you can try a different one. For more examples and a detailed explanation of the 5 As, take a look here.
3. Use the flag system guidelines
The flag system explained above also provides guidelines for potential ways of responding. These guidelines correspond to the overall flag colour of the situation determined using the criteria. Find out more about the different response guidelines on this page of practical examples.
4. Be an ally
You can be an ally even if the situation isn’t aimed at you or someone you know. Being an ally involves reacting to the situation in a way that helps the target. And there are many different ways of doing so! Here are a few examples: speak up about how you feel (“it’s possible that you mean well, but this is making me uncomfortable”); imagine out loud how you would feel if the situation involved a loved one (“what if that were your sister?”); or ask the target of the behaviour what they need or how they are feeling.
What can I do if someone in my environment has experienced sexual violence?
Experiencing and processing and negative sexual situation can be an emotional, difficult, and sometimes lonely process for survivors. So it's wonderful that you want to learn how to support someone close to you!
At the same time, things can also be difficult for the friends and family of survivors. It can make you sad when you see someone you care about struggling. You might feel powerless, or not know how best to help someone.
But there isn't just one way to offer support – everyone is different. Nevertheless, there are a few general tips you can take on board.
If the incident has only just happened, it may be important to act quickly. Take a look at this page by the Sexual Assault Center.
Tips
- See & identify inappropriate behaviour
In some cases, very few or no other people will notice that something is wrong. This can make victims feel like they are facing things alone. Letting someone know that you can see what they’re going through can make a big difference.
- Check in
Victims/survivors may find it difficult to tell the people around them that they are struggling. Occasionally checking in with them and asking how they are doing can help them feel better.
- Ask what the person in question needs
Not everyone needs the same kind of support, so ask the person affected by sexual violence what would help them. You could offer them a few examples, such as talking about it, going for a walk together, helping them with shopping, or making a plan together.
- Be there
Some survivors not only find it difficult to talk about their experience, but also struggle to reach out in general. You can help by sending them a message, calling them, or arranging to spend time together.
Need advice on how to talk about the incident? Take a look at our information on peer-to-peer disclosure.